Self-Love Breaks the Curse of Inherited Trauma
Self-love can feel dangerous, selfish, vain and even terrorizing if you’ve grown up in an abusive environment.
Caregivers may have spent an excessive amount of time negatively focused on us, using our so-called ‘flaws’ as an excuse for the abuse.
Or punished us as we asserted boundaries, teaching us that self-love is dangerous.
We may have gotten the message that self-love is vain because we were not recognized, celebrated or maybe even seen in our accomplishments.
If we had a narcissistic caregiver, our needs were not consistently met. And if they were, it was because it served the narcissist.
These themes and patterns are very common in families today because they are transmitted overtime – almost like a curse- through our family lineage.
As young people, these experiences wired our nervous systems to default in survival mode, and our abuser’s words became the foundation of our inner critics in effort to protect us. We may have learned how to feel safe in this environment, but we did not learn how to value, care for or love ourselves.
Without self-love, it is often difficult setting boundaries on time and resources. We can develop health issues because we weren’t taught the value in taking care of our bodies. Worse, we may suffer abusive behavior as adults because we feel broken, bad or too worthless to be helped. This is where self-love comes in.
When we love our selves, we become stronger and our stress is decreased, which strengthens our immune system. Self-love builds capacity and increases resilience.
Self-love and compassion also help us to reconnect to our humanity, an experience most survivors with CPTSD need. Oftentimes abusers attack their victim’s character, citing the victim’s worthlessness. This is dehumanizing and can lead to believing we are less than human.
But with self-love and compassion, we can overcome those harmful beliefs. Associate Professor Kristen Neff from the University of Texas states that self-love/compassion helps us in “…perceiving [our] experiences as part of the larger human experience rather than seeing them as isolating, and holding painful thoughts and feelings in mindful awareness rather than over-identifying with them.”
It’s never too late to start the practice of self-love. We can learn how to love ourselves at any point in our lives. And create a new foundation in our nervous systems where it feels safe to give and receive love to ourselves and others.
For more information on Self-Love Ceremonials go here.